Fake news is no longer just for shadowy media elites and dictatorships! For just $20, you too can be part of the fake news media. Need something nice to show up when potential employers Google your name? Hit me up! Need to convince a promoter that your band opened for Marcy Playground? Hit me up! Landlord burn you and you want to ruin his reputation so no one else ever rents from him? Hit me up!

Legally, this is a parody site. If you’d like to sue, please follow this link; the back stretches provided there will help you to literally suck your own dick.

If you’re a potential employer or promoter, give ‘em a shot, eh? They displayed extreme creativity in trying to get what they want, and that creativity could be a boon to your bar or business.